Paper trails and pettiness: Why you need to put things in writing before a divorce

Paper trails and pettiness: Why you need to put things in writing before a divorce

Verbal promises are about as reliable as Elon Musk’s tweets — they may sound credible but easily crumble under scrutiny. The same principle applies when it comes to divorce: you should never rely solely on verbal promises.

If you’re preparing for a divorce, regardless of whether it’s shaping up to be amicable or acrimonious, you undoubtedly want everything to go as smoothly as possible. In fact, we know you do. You want the outcome to work in your favor (and in your children’s favor, if you have them). And to ensure this, one of the best things you can do is to get things in writing.

Promises fade, paper persists

As family law attorneys, we’re big fans of setting things in stone. And by "setting things in stone," we mean putting pen to paper and formalizing agreements. Here’s why having everything in writing — whether it’s about settlement agreements, child support, custody, or asset division — is not just smart but essential.

Handshake deals get shaky when life changes

Let’s say you made a handshake agreement with your ex about keeping the car. Fast forward a couple of months, and your ex gets a new job that requires them to have a vehicle. Guess what happens next? If they’ve got the agreement in writing, and you don’t, you might find yourself handing over those car keys while muttering regrets.

The fact is, life changes — jobs, partners, priorities — and those changes can impact agreements, especially if they’re not written down. You know who’s great at ensuring your post-divorce situation works out for you? Family law attorneys.

Courts love paper trails (and you should too)

Maybe you’re divorcing your husband because you no longer love him, even though he’s always been a dependable breadwinner. You agree verbally that he’ll make regular child support payments. But a few months later, he conveniently "forgets" those promises, and you’re left holding the financial bag with no legal recourse because you didn’t get it in writing.

He might suddenly decide that child support payments aren’t on top of his to-do list. Courts can’t enforce what doesn’t officially exist, so getting those payments without the paperwork to back you up might feel like using a paper umbrella to shield you from a hurricane.
Far be it from anyone to assume the worst in people, but these things happen more often than you think.

Friendly terms need legal backup too

Some exes might stay on good terms and even bend over backward to compromise for the sake of the kids. But let’s not kid ourselves: they’re still your ex. People change and move on, and sometimes their shiny new lives don’t have much room to prioritize your well-being.

Even if your co-parenting dynamic is currently a sunshine-and-rainbows kind of deal, getting everything in writing ensures everyone’s interests are protected, especially your kids’. It might feel a bit pessimistic, but it’s way better than waking up one day and wishing you had a time machine (and a pen).

Related reading: Divorce regret: What it is, how it happens, and why it’s more complicated than either marriage or divorce

Now, let’s take a look at the things you absolutely, positively need to get in writing before the ink on those divorce papers dries.

Dollars, diapers, and other nonnegotiables

Let’s start with the big-ticket items. Your Netflix password? Sure, that’s negotiable. But finances, shared debt, and who’s picking up little Timmy from soccer practice? Not so much.

  • Finances: Money matters, especially during a divorce. Think joint bank accounts, investments, and any hidden stashes of "fun money." The goal is to end up with more, not less when the dust settles. Every dollar needs to be accounted for because post-divorce audits are no one’s idea of a good time.
  • Shared debt: That dreamy couples' trip to Bora Bora that’s still sitting on your credit card balance? Someone’s gotta pay for that, and that someone shouldn't be just you. Pro tip: Put an agreement in writing to avoid "selective memory syndrome" (a tongue-in-cheek term for when someone conveniently "forgets" what they promised, especially in divorce situations.)
  • Kid responsibilities: Who’s buying the school supplies? What’s the holiday schedule? These details need to be crystal clear unless you want to spend Christmas Eve in a heated debate over who’s playing Santa this year. Avoid the drama and spell it all out.

Examples of post-split "amnesia"

The tales family lawyers could tell about exes conveniently "forgetting" those friendly verbal agreements. Here are just a few examples of post-split forgetfulness:

  • "Oh, I said I’d pay half the mortgage? I don’t recall that conversation."
  • "The dog was supposed to live with you? Funny, I thought we said shared custody."
  • "Oh, you need alimony? That sounds like a you problem."
  • And so on

Post-split amnesia is real, and it’s why we don’t just rely on handshakes and pinky promises.
Getting things in writing isn’t about mistrust but clarity. It’s like your relationship’s exit strategy. A good attorney will make sure your agreement is airtight, so there’s no room for "creative reinterpretation" down the road.

Don’t leave your future to chance (or your ex’s memory). Call LaGrandeur & Williams today for expert guidance that ensures you’re covered every step of the way.