We mentioned in a previous post that you shouldn’t be too quick to trust the claim that “50% of marriages end in divorce.” If you’ve read that somewhere, it’s likely fueled by a healthy dose of cynicism. Interestingly, recent studies show that while marriage rates are up, divorce rates are down.
As family law attorneys, we handle marital splits regularly — but we’re anything but cynical. When we work with clients on divorce cases, our goal is to help them walk away with as much of the “short end of the stick” as possible, all while gently encouraging them to look for the silver lining.
That said, even we are sometimes surprised by those couples who finalize their divorces only to realize it wasn’t the right move. And so, we arrive at a fascinating phenomenon: divorce regret — when the allure of singlehood, or being apart from your ex, doesn’t quite live up to the hype, and some couples find themselves back together.
The gray area between separation and reconciling
If you thought that divorce regret was some brand-new trend straight out of 2024, you thought wrong. Divorce regret — the realization that, perhaps, divorcing wasn’t the best idea — has been around for ages. In fact, there have been many pioneers in the art of the break-up-and-make-up routine since the beginning of relationships themselves.
Take, for instance, the classic case of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. The two iconic actors famously married, divorced, and then married each other again. Although they got divorced again less than a year after their second marriage, their reunion highlighted that sometimes, breaking up isn’t quite the end of the story. They might even have helped popularize the concept, turning it into one of Hollywood’s most enduring legends of on-again-off-again romance.
A more recent example would be golfer Rory McIlroy, whose divorce petition filing in Florida in May had been voluntarily dismissed. The reason? Reconciliation. He perhaps realized that fairways and greens weren’t as inviting without his wife by his side.
And it’s not just celebrities. Regular folks experience divorce regret all the time. Sometimes it’s a matter of rekindling a shared history, or rediscovering a bond that just wasn’t easy to let go of. So, if you find yourself in this situation, rest assured that it’s entirely normal, and you’re certainly not alone.
Why people regret their divorce
By divorce regret, we’re not talking about those who regret having to go through a divorce due to irreconcilable issues. Many divorces happen for solid reasons, and those individuals are often glad they made the right call. Here, we’re talking about a very different breed: those who look back and think, “Did I actually make a mistake in letting them go?”
Regret in this context typically arises from one of several common sources. Often, divorcees find that single life isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Freedom from staying married can be joyous, sure, but it can be a lonely affair for many newly singles. After the excitement of a fresh start, some find themselves missing the comfort, stability, and companionship they had, flaws and all.
For some, divorce regret might surface after facing the cold reality of dating apps, which led them to discover that their ex wasn’t so bad in comparison. Others find themselves missing the shared history they had with their ex-spouse, especially if kids, friends, or traditions are involved.
There’s also the “grass is greener” syndrome: sometimes, only after they’ve crossed the threshold into singlehood do people realize the grass may have been just fine on the other side.
The legal puzzle of making it work…again
Getting back together after a divorce can feel like a fresh start, but legally, it’s a bit more complicated than picking up where you left off. Once the ink dries on a divorce decree, both parties are often legally untangled. If assets, alimony, or custody arrangements were finalized, returning to a marital status doesn’t automatically reset those agreements. This means that if ex-spouses want to “redo” their marriage, they may need to legally renegotiate terms, and those terms may involve getting a fresh marriage license, updating estate plans, or even readdressing any financial agreements previously made.
Also, there’s the little matter of the legal logistics around remarriage. If there were post-divorce financial obligations, such as alimony or child support, those terms don’t magically disappear upon reconciliation. In many cases, returning to the marriage may require unraveling complex financial or custodial arrangements and, in some states, can even involve court filings to revise terms initially set by the divorce.
Long story short, divorce regret happens to the best of us
The truth is, divorce regret is more common than you’d think. The only people unlikely to experience it? Those who live in nations without divorce laws — they’ll never know the unique journey of divorcing just to find out later they do belong together.
For everyone else, if you’ve gone through a divorce and found yourself rethinking things, you probably have questions. Maybe you’re even wondering whether divorce is the best move for you and your spouse. Whatever the nature of your inquiry, whether you’re looking to untie or retie the knot, our team at LaGrandeur & Williams is here to help. As experienced family law attorneys in Washington State, we’re well-versed in the ups, downs, and sideways turns of marriage and divorce alike. Book your consultation now to avoid regrets.