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Back in our day, getting hurt at a concert was a rite of passage, crowd surfing an artist was a privilege, and catching something thrown from the stage was a souvenir you’d never part with.

Apparently, things have changed.

There’s no better example of this than a shoe Justin Bieber threw into the crowd being auctioned for $6,000 (which overshadowed the equally ridiculous story of its other half getting a dedicated Instagram account). But seeing as we’re not sneakerheads, Beliebers, or wildly irrational human beings, that’s not a story we can comment on with any expertise.

In our articles, we try to avoid writing about people dying. Our goal is to make family law lighthearted and less intimidating, which is pretty hard to do when you’re writing about an old geezer who kicked the bucket and left behind a bereaved brood.

The only people who can get away with blaming their mistakes on God are celebrities.

Are you unhappy about the 15 bucks you spent on Transformers 5: More CGI? Too bad, Mark Wahlberg credits the big man upstairs for his success.

Would you give anything for Reba to be banned from television? You’re going to be up against McEntire’s faith on that quest.

The world has already recovered from the demise of the seemingly indestructible Brangelina. Now, we pin our marriage hopes on the enduring union of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. We watch with bated breath as Will and Jada continue to carry the torch of matrimony.

Based on recent statistics, nearly one-third of all women in the US have experienced domestic violence. So if you can help it, please refrain from using risqué material pertaining to domestic abuse for your comedy act or bar’s slogan. Don’t even make a reference to one of pop culture’s most infamous cases when guest-rapping on your wife’s hit single.

We’re wrapping up one heck of a year. A reality TV show host was sworn in as President of the United States, some important British guy got engaged to a Yankee, and people finally noticed that Google’s cheeseburger placed the cheese under the patty.

It turns out that some of our readers are interested in more substantive posts than ones about celebrity courtroom drama.

We know this because our posts are still outranked on Google by AllLaw.com, which is a tad frustrating since theirs provide bland, unspecific explanations (and zero toilet humor).

For example, take their article entitled: What You Must Prove to Win a Slip and Fall Injury Claim.

Do you know what the worst part of divorce is? It’s not over when you sign the dotted line.

In place of court dates, you’ll be dealing with child custody arrangements, alimony payments, and the horrors of a joint Netflix account.

Moving on is hard, and the best thing you can do to smooth the transition is to address you and your ex’s concerns as fairly and as early as possible.

No. And that’s the long answer.

Across the country, courts have ruled that motorized beer coolers, parade floats and zambonis are treated exactly the same as their 4-wheeled counterparts. Let’s take a look at a few real-world examples.

Showboating Buffoonery

If you’re injured by someone who was operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol or drugs, there’s a good chance 10/12 jurors will be ready to rule in your favor before the opening statements even begin.

We’ve written about divorced couples that amicably split millions of dollars, presidential mansions, and in one case a Nobel Prize. But adding a family pet to the mix turns even the classiest divorce into Jerry Springer meets Cesar Millan.

Dogs, cats, and whatever else Paris Hilton dangles from her rhinestone leashes nowadays, they are not living, breathing creatures with affections and emotions.