Every now and then, someone writes into the legal internet ether a question so raw, so universal, so steeped in injustice that it echoes across group chats and legal blogs alike. In today’s blog, we answer the following question:
“Is it okay to be annoyed when your ex becomes wildly successful after the divorce?”
Short answer: Absolutely.
This week’s emotionally charged hypothetical scenario comes courtesy of a Reddit post.
The summary: After 25 years of financial strain, the poster supported her spouse through long periods of unemployment, career changes, and general instability. They rarely traveled, borrowed money from her parents, and lived modestly throughout the marriage. He filed for divorce. Two years later, he’s a millionaire, flying first-class to Santorini with his new girlfriend, while she checks whether butter is on sale. In other words, she continues to live on a limited income based on the modest marital standard the court used to calculate spousal support.
The marital standard of living AKA poverty with paperwork
Here’s a legal fun fact: spousal support is often calculated based on the marital standard of living. This is essentially the financial lifestyle you shared during the marriage. If things were tight, the support reflects that. The goal, at least in theory, is for both parties to maintain a similar standard after the divorce.
In this case, that means the ex-wife continues to live modestly, just as she did during the marriage, while her ex has gone on to a much more comfortable, even luxurious lifestyle. Unfortunately for her, the court doesn’t revise support payments just because her fortunes changed after the ink dried on the divorce decree.
It’s a frustrating situation, one we see more often than you’d think. You spend years supporting someone’s potential, and just when it starts to pay off, you find yourself on a different path, no longer included in their success.
There is no “glow-up adjustment” in family court
Let’s be crystal clear. The legal system doesn’t care that your ex now owns a boat, a business, and a vacation home with marble countertops. Unless your spousal support agreement says you get a bonus every time he makes a “Forbes 30 Under 50 Divorcees” list, you’re not getting a dime.
The courts don’t deal in retroactive fairness. There’s no legal adjustment for having supported a partner through years of career uncertainty or financial instability. There is no such thing as a “glow-up clause.”
But if there were, family court would be a lot more fun.
Legal justice vs. emotional injustice
The uncomfortable truth is that legally, the ex who has become rich isn’t doing anything wrong. But for his ex, it’s like watching someone win the lottery with the ticket she bought. We imagine how devastating it must be for her.
We certainly think she’s allowed to be annoyed. She’s allowed to hate how fair this all is, technically. And she’s absolutely allowed to scream into her steering wheel when she sees his vacation pics on Instagram.
Coping mechanisms (some of which are legal)
Now, we would never encourage immature or petty behavior. But if you find yourself in a similar situation, here are some ways you could handle the Reddit poster’s situation:
- Start a fake travel blog with stock photos and tag him in all your “adventures.”
- Venmo request him $3.87 every time you go to Trader Joe’s. Label it “reparations.”
In all seriousness, if your own post-divorce situation feels a little lopsided, financially or otherwise, you’re not alone. Sometimes it helps to talk to a family law attorney who can walk you through your actual legal options.
And if what you need right now is less legal advice and more emotional solidarity, you might enjoy reading some of our other not-quite-advice articles — such as this one on dating apps after divorce — especially if your ex’s glow-up has you reconsidering the appeal of hermit life.
So, is it okay to be annoyed?
Yes. Even deeply and viscerally.
You can feel your feelings. You can roll your eyes. You can even fantasize about a world where the law lets you invoice your ex for every unpaid hour of emotional labor while they “figured things out.”
You are allowed to indulge in the annoyance. Let it breathe. Just don’t send him a glitter bomb in the mail.
Do you have a post-divorce injustice that goes beyond emotional distress and into actual legal territory? Washington state family law attorneys LaGrandeur & Williams can help you with answers to real legal questions. And yes, we might also validate your frustration. Get in touch.