At our law offices, we field plenty of inquiries about child custody, modifications, and other thorny divorce matters. When things are quiet, we sometimes stumble across advice columns involving divorcees pondering life’s post-split dilemmas:
“Should I tell my new partner about my child?”
“Should I sell my wedding ring?”
“Should I downsize?”
The most intriguing question, at least to us, is whether they should start dating again, specifically, whether dating applications such as Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge are worth the plunge.
No one’s asked us for dating advice (yet), but we’re going to give it anyway. Today, we’re roleplaying as advice columnists to tackle this question: “Post-divorce, should I get back on dating apps?”
The pretend-letter sender’s dilemma: Should I keep on dancing solo or should I swipe right on Mr. Right?
We don’t actually need a pretend-letter sender to dive into whether it’s worth jumping back into the dating pool post-divorce. But for entertainment’s sake (and because we have some thoughts about the matter), we’ll use our imagination and attempt to solve a hypothetical divorcee’s dating dilemma. Here’s what our pretend-letter sender “Single Sally” “wrote” to us:
Dear attorneys,
After ending a 10-year marriage, I’ve spent the past two years rediscovering the joys of singlehood. I’ve rekindled old passions — baking like I’m auditioning for The Great British Bake Off, staying up until 3 a.m., binge-watching true crime documentaries, dancing like no one’s watching (because no one is), and savoring the luxury of not sharing my snacks. It’s been glorious.
That said, my divorce, though amicable, had its share of difficulties. I’ll spare you the details since I’m sure you’ve heard enough divorce drama to last a lifetime. The short of it is: I’m now staring at the edge of the dating pool, wondering if it’s worth dipping my toe back in.
My therapist recommended two years of singlehood to focus on myself, and now the clock is up. But I hesitate, especially when it comes to dating apps. Am I ready to be vulnerable again? I’ve worked hard to cultivate the peace I now enjoy, and I don’t want someone to ruin it.
Given your vast experience with people emerging from divorce, I’d love to hear your insights on dating and whether apps are worth the risk.
Sincerely,
Single Sally
Pretend-response to the letter: To swipe or not to swipe
Dear Single Sally,
Thank you for thinking of us despite our lack of expertise in the allegedly messy world of dating. First, it may be important to think about how you feel about dating in general, even without the baggage of being a divorcee. If you’re new to dating apps and/or dating in general, here are some quick facts about dating in modern times.
Modern dating essentially entails outsourcing romance to apps that act like digital meat markets rather than fairytale matchmaking services. We’re not experts, but we’ve heard things — some good, most not so good.
Dating apps can feel like scrolling through the resumés of people who might ghost you after three messages. They can also be black holes for questionable decisions, unfiltered selfies, and conversations that lead nowhere.
But — and it’s a cautious but — dating apps do have their place. They might help you dip your toes into the dating pool without committing to a full dive. You can swipe, chat, or ignore messages from the comfort of your couch, while you gorge on your chips solo. You can figure out what you’re looking for (or what you’re not). And while you’ll encounter some duds, you might also meet someone whose fondness for baking-based reality shows matches yours.
Just keep your expectations grounded and your personal information guarded. We’re lawyers, so you can trust us on that part.
If you’re happy alone, you’re already winning
Ultimately, the decision to date, or use dating apps, is yours to make. You’ve been through the wringer and emerged stronger for it. Divorce has given you two key gifts: clarity and an appreciation for your own company (assuming you have no children).
There’s no shame in deciding that singlehood suits you just fine. Loving your own company is one of life’s most underrated victories. If you’re content binge-watching your shows, picking up hobbies, or simply rediscovering who you are, why rush back into the game?
That said, if you’re curious about dating, or feel ready to open yourself up to someone new, go for it. Take it slow, keep your standards high, and remember that you’re bringing a lot to the table (metaphorically or otherwise).
Related reading: Divorce lawyers who are not us have some dating advice; we have some thoughts
What’s next for single Sally?
We don’t know. She’s just a figment of our imagination, after all. But if she were real, we’d bet she’d do just fine. Divorcees like our imaginary Sally prove that life after divorce isn’t just about surviving — it’s about rediscovering joy, whether that’s in baking, binging shows, bravely swiping right, or making bold moves in the New Year.
Full disclosure: we can’t really help you in your journey through dating apps, but we can help with everything else family law-related. Reach out to us at LaGrandeur & Williams for real legal advice. Leave us a message or call our offices.