We started writing this blog based on two factors: 1) family law is a serious issue, and 2) we are not serious lawyers. Sure, everyone on our team has law degrees from fancy schools, in total we have over 70 years of combined experience practicing law in Renton, and the Buckingham, LaGrandeur & Williams library is full of purportedly important books -- but our team is about as somber as a Vegas chapel when the clock strikes midnight.
In fact, that’s exactly what we’re going to cover in this article: shotgun weddings that celebrities wish we would all forget. Unfortunately for them, celebrity marital blunders are the quickest way to lighten the mood of any divorce attorney. We’ve already discussed the lawsuit surrounding the 72-day marriage of KimK and Kris Humphries, but there’s plenty more where that came from...
Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra
Back in 1998, the self-proclaimed US ambassador to North Korea and the woman who founded the Naked Women’s Wrestling League started dating. It was a match made in tabloid heaven.
After nine blissful months together, Carmen and Dennis took a trip to Las Vegas. They embarked on a romantic tour of every bar, club and Kwik-E-Mart within the city limits, before deciding they just couldn’t wait any longer to tie the knot.
At 7 AM at the Little Chapel of the Flowers, a “deeply intoxicated” Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra became husband and wife...for nine days.
Family lawyers made quick work of the annulment. Legally, it was as if the marriage never happened.
Ironically, it’s one of the most unforgettable marriages of the past century.
Britney Spears and Jason Alexander
We’ve covered Britney’s fall from grace and how it temporarily lost her the custody of her children, but it all started with the shortest marriage on this list. Hot on the heels of winning a Grammy, Spears phoned her childhood friend Jason Alexander and asked him to come party with her in Las Vegas -- and party they did.
Days after the night out, a reporter asked Jason to clarify what he meant when he said that he and Britney had consumed alcohol and “party favors.” He confirmed, “Yeah, we were doing drugs...A to Z.”
At 5 AM Jason and Britney arrived at the A Little White Wedding Chapel in jeans and t-shirts for the most important day of their lives: the day they decided to get divorced.
55 hours after the ceremony, a judge granted the annulment request on the grounds that, “Plaintiff Spears lacked understanding of her actions to the extent that she was incapable of agreeing to the marriage.”
Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock
Although Pamela Anderson would eventually have her own Las Vegas wedding, her shortest marriage was to hick-hop music star Kid Rock in 2006.
To be fair, it’s unlikely that anyone who attended the wedding ceremony thought the marriage would last. The couple exchanged “lifelong” vows aboard a yacht off the coast of France -- Mr. Kid was shirtless and Mrs. Rock wore a skimpy white string bikini.
The couple described it as, “The best most romantic wedding of all time.”
Four months and two days later, an attorney representing Kid and another representing Pam literally raced to file divorce papers before the other. Mr. Rock’s lawyers won by just 53 minutes.
Drew Barrymore and Jeremy Thomas
When most people think of Drew Barrymore’s marriages, they think of Tom Green. But that relationship lasted a whopping 163 days -- a marathon compared to her first marriage.
Just a few years after her first stint in rehab, 19-year-old Drew Barrymore proposed to her six-week boyfriend in the alleyway behind an LA bar. It was 2 AM and all her boyfriend could muster was, “...when?”
Three hours later, the two were phoning a private detective/psychic/minister listed in the Yellow Pages at the number 1-800-IMARRYU.
It’s too bad their “minister” never went to law school, she could make a killing divorcing all the couples who had hired her to marry them at five in the morning.
Just 19 days later Drew and Jeremy split up.
The length of these four marriages combined add up to exactly five months. The next time you feel embarrassed talking about a marriage that didn’t work out, just remember, at least it lasted longer than a season of Divorce Court.