Drunk Wendy’s and other poor life choices can result in ‘modifications’ of your child custody agreement

Drunk Wendy’s and other poor life choices can result in ‘modifications’ of your child custody agreement

We’ve been lawyering in Western Washington since Ryan Gosling was a part of the Mickey Mouse Club.

During those 27 years, we’ve been lucky to work cases that involve two parents reconciling their differences and modifying an existing custody agreement to allow for more parental equality.

But you don’t read our celebrity gossip blog for happy endings, do you?

Your interests are more important than some mouseketeer’s feelings, so let’s put some celebrities under the microscope and learn about when and why custody agreements get modified.

Hiding your kid from your ex will probably end poorly for...everyone

The Gosselin family briefly managed to sell their family of ten as “reality” on the TV show Jon & Kate Plus 8. That is, until the public realized that sextuplets are about as realistic as a bachelor finding lifelong love on a gameshow, and the Gosselin family became Jon & Kate Minus a Few Million Dollars.

Since the cancellation, Jon has been trying to bring a custody modification to the courtroom, claiming his children “live in fear” with their mother, and that Kate is violating their agreement by sending one of their kids, Collin, to a care facility for special needs.

The kicker? Kate won’t clarify where the care facility is, or why Collin is there.

If you’re hiding children from your ex, don’t bother calling the lawyers. Your time would be better spent researching voice modulators and cutting magazine letters for your ransom note.

Evidence of emotional or physical instability: It’s a two-fer!

If you have physical evidence that a parent has a negative impact on a child, modifying a custody agreement is as easy as taking candy from a baby.

Alec Baldwin probably wishes taking candy from his daughter was the extent of his transgressions. Instead, he left her a two-minute voicemail that included parental adoration such as:

  • “I don't give a damn that you're a 12- or 11-year-old, or a child…”
  • “You are a rude, thoughtless little pig…”
  • “You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being…”

Baldwin’s response to the court’s ban on visiting his daughter? “[I] will do what [her] mother is pathologically incapable of doing...keeping [my] mouth shut and obeying the court order.”

Next up, video evidence of David Hasselhoff getting so drunk that his only response to being called an alcoholic by his 17-year-old daughter is to praise a fast food chain’s burgers.

It didn’t take long for the Hoff to lose custody of his children after one of his daughters filmed him rolling through a pile of Wendy’s he was too drunk to lift to his mouth. Even without the sloppy, shirtless Hoff visuals, the audio probably would’ve done him in:

Daughter: Dad why do you do this?
The Hoff: 'Cause I’m lonely. I have trouble in my life.
Daughter: A doctor’s coming over here in the morning to check your alcohol level, and if there’s any alcohol in your system you’re gonna be fired from the show. Tomorrow. You hear me? No alcohol.
The Hoff: Okkkk *drunkenly faceplants into burger*

Baby (let’s try this custody thing) one more time

Let’s end on a high note, huh? Some custody agreements are modified because unfit parents actually get their act together, and what better example than the Holy Britney Spearit transforming from a drug rehab VIP member to a stable parent and successful Vegas performer?

After Spears lost custody of her children in 2008 because of continued drug use, it was unclear whether she would ever clear her toxic name again.

It’s all been kept under legal lock and key, but some time in 2015 it was revealed that the pop diva regained custody of her two boys.

You can also modify an existing custody agreement with your ex to regain custody of your children. And in most cases it isn’t nearly as messy as the Hoff’s drunchies.

As long as there isn’t evidence of you verbally berating your child, or secret psychological care facilities, we’re the team to take your case to court.

And if there are, look for us on the opposite side of the courtroom; we’ll be the ones wearing Mickey Mouse ears.

Child custody, child support, divorce, family law,