Imagine asking your spouse, the one you promised to have and to hold, until death do you part, for an open marriage. Not exactly winning any awards for "Classiest Moves" in the wedding handbook, but hey, people do it. All the time.
Well, maybe not all the time. But those who do tend to find that it’s often more trouble than it’s worth.
Thanks to the gift that keeps on giving — Reddit — we recently stumbled upon a post about a man who had the gall to ask his wife for an open marriage. And thus, today’s post was born, where we answer the wildly intriguing question: Is it ever okay to ask your spouse for an open marriage?
When you fall out of love and think an open marriage is the answer
It’s a tale as old as time: you get married, have kids, and one day, for whatever reason, the love is gone. This is far from uncommon, and it’s why we have this little thing called divorce. But instead of calling it quits, some people try to save their marriage even after the love fades. One way they do this is by asking for an open marriage. Case in point: a Reddit user who made the questionable decision to ask his wife for one.
According to his now-deleted post, the man (we’ll refer to him as Mr. Regret) asked his wife of 19 years for an open marriage because he wasn’t feeling the same attraction as when they first tied the knot. His wife was not thrilled. But she probably figured staying married was easier than going through a divorce, especially with a kid in the mix.
Mr. Regret claimed that the spark in their marriage had fizzled out. And what better way to reignite that spark than by seeing other people and being less intimate with your spouse?
With a grudging nod from his wife, Mr. Regret wasted no time diving into the dating pool, expecting it to be overflowing with options. He asked a coworker out (because that is obviously a great idea) but the date did not go as planned.
Turns out, the coworker wasn’t interested. But it didn’t stop there. She also reported him to HR. Some backstory: Mr. Regret held a managerial position, but this coworker wasn’t directly under him. When she reported his advances, he found himself fired, despite offering the "I’m in an open marriage" disclaimer.
Meanwhile, his wife (let’s call her Mrs. Lucky) was flourishing in the dating scene. And so, the tale of Mr. Regret was born. On the bright side, he’s probably still in that open marriage, so there’s always room for more questionable decisions.
"Close or open?" A closed-ended question that should probably stay closed for certain couples
Meanwhile, Mrs. Lucky, still reaping the benefits of her open marriage, was living her best life. She had a queue of men falling for her and more dates than she knew what to do with. Needless to say, her experience was nothing like Mr. Regret’s.
Then came the plot twist: Mr. Regret asked her to close the marriage again. But Mrs. Lucky wasn’t having it. Call it revenge. Call it vindication. For her, there was no closing what had once been opened.
It doesn’t take a genius to see how this marriage was doomed from the moment the open marriage suggestion was made. While an open marriage is perfectly legal, it’s not exactly a one-size-fits-all solution.
If you’re considering throwing the idea out there to your spouse, you’d be pleased to know that studies show that open relationships do work, but that “the success of such relationships hinges on solid communication between all parties involved.”
Here’s a thought: Maybe just keep the marriage closed. Or, like Mr. Regret, you can open it and risk keeping it open...forever.
Related reading: Burning legal question: Does getting caught canoodling at a concert warrant divorce?
Our (unpopular) opinion: Mr. Regret didn’t do anything wrong
The man who proposed the open marriage didn’t do anything heinous, except perhaps give his spouse the shock of her life by proposing it out of nowhere. Yes, it’s not exactly the most orthodox marital arrangement, but it’s possible to live in harmony in one. Just look at couples like Jada Pinkett-Smith and Will Smith, or Dolly Parton and her less fabulous husband, Carl Thomas Dean.
So, let’s rephrase our unpopular opinion: Mr. Regret didn’t do anything legally questionable. There are plenty of open marriages out there with two consenting spouses, many of which didn’t end up as fodder for a global internet pile-on.
That said, if you’re thinking about bringing up an open marriage with your spouse, you’d better think long and hard about it. Take it from Mr. Regret — there are repercussions. And those repercussions might include unemployment and, on a much worse scale, your spouse reigniting a spark with someone who isn’t you.
If you need family law attorneys in the Evergreen State, call the law offices of LaGrandeur & Williams. We promise you won’t regret it. Leave us a message.