Justin Bieber has won one Grammy and zero personal injury lawsuits, with dozens of chances at both

Justin Bieber has won one Grammy and zero personal injury lawsuits, with dozens of chances at both

We’ve delayed a Bieb-centric post for far too long.

How can we possibly call ourselves Washington state’s leading legal experts on celebrity divorces and personal injuries if we’ve never dedicated an entire article to the Canadian manchild with 3x as many Twitter followers as his home country has residents?

This is the same “musician” who cut his signature toss-and-flip bangs and auctioned them for over $40,000. That’s not the type of fame we can ignore...no matter how desperately we want to.

Regardless of your feelings about the forfeiture of his coiffure -- or the petition signed by a quarter of a million Americans for the White House to revoke his green card -- there is one thing everyone can agree on: Mr. Bieber is really good at assaulting photographers.

2012 - Justin releases Beauty and a Beat(ing)

At just 18 years old, all Baby B wanted was a date to the movies with his normal, teenage millionaire girlfriend, Selena Gomez. And all Jose Osmin Hernandez Duran wanted was a picture that would allow him to cash in on that 40g’s-for-a-pile-of-hair starpower.

Instead, Bieber was so annoyed that he gave Duran a trained kick right in the kidney before pummeling him with his fists...allegedly.

No criminal charges were filed, but Duran did sue for “emotional distress” -- because it’s pretty hard to live with yourself after getting tossed around by a kid whose favorite sandwich recipe is Wonder Bread, mayonnaise and tomato.

2013 - Lyrical lawyers almost put little Biebs behind bars

Just one year later, 19-year-old Justin struck Walter Damon Lee with his Ferrari. Nevermind that handing a teenager the keys to a Ferrari was on par with giving Trump a Twitter account, authorities originally believed the accident was a hit and run.

There was no criminal case because officials eventually determined that the impact was so minor, Bieber may not have even realized he hit someone.

Mr. Lee was not of the same opinion.

A $25,000 personal injury case was filed that alleged The Bieb "negligently, carelessly, recklessly, wantonly and unlawfully" ran into him -- which is exactly four more adverbs than any decent lawyer has ever needed to describe a motor vehicle accident.

Like the Duran case, everything was settled out of court.

2014 - This just in: Bieber doesn’t have time for lawyers ’n such

Continuing his downward spiral, Justin supposedly ordered his bodyguard to attack a photographer who followed him out of an LA nightclub. The bodyguard chased Manuel Munoz into the bathroom of a nearby Subway restaurant and beat him fresh.

Munoz sued for unspecified damages, but yet again everything was kept out of court with a settlement.

Before the case was closed however, the little Bieb that could recorded a 4-hour deposition that is still more entertaining than anything on TV.

Some truly unbelieberable quotes include:

  • “Don’t ask me about [Selena Gomez] again” (repeated six consecutive times from behind a furiously wagging finger).
  • "I don't have to listen to anything you have to say" (to lawyers).
  • "I think that I was detrimental to my own career…(whispers to lawyer)...instrumental, not detrimental."

His collar popping and winking at the camera really drove home his dedication to the seriousness of legal proceedings.

2017 - Somebody let him buy a monster truck and now he has fewer stalkers

Aside from pleading guilty in 2015 to negligently, carelessly, recklessly, wantonly and unlawfully hitting a minivan full of paparazzi with his ATV, Bieber has spent more time in tattoo parlors than courtrooms over the last couple years.

But like a moth to a flame fueled by tabloids, Justin just couldn’t resist knocking down another photog.

In July of 2017, J-Beebs was leaving church when a group of paparazzi surrounded his lifted pickup. With years of experience ignoring the melange of camera flashes and prodding questions, he put the truck into drive and pulled forward -- unable to notice that one of the photographers was trapped under his hideously oversized motor vehicle.

As soon as he realized what had happened, Bieber got out and waited for the ambulance with the injured man, who later said, “He’s a good kid...accidents happen.”

So it looks like he’ll avoid a personal injury lawsuit for now. Although one legal “expert” claims that’s because the mob of paparazzi was tantamount to false imprisonment and Justin merely took reasonable steps to free himself.

Probably the same “expert” who wrote the liability waiver JB forced his house guests to sign.

Here’s hoping he skips the courtroom encore

So there you have it. In just five years we’ve seen our boy Bieber go from a MMA wannabe to a reasonable adult who runs people over with legal pretext!

If you’re in need of a Renton-based attorney with a track record of winning personal injury cases quickly, swiftly, promptly, briskly and expeditiously -- call today.

The Buckingham, LaGrandeur & Williams team is a whole lot cheaper than a bag of bangs.